The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward

The “norm” for sexual relationships in the 21st century has become increasingly diverse, reflecting shifting social attitudes and greater acceptance of different relationship styles. While “traditional” monogamous, heterosexual relationships are still common, a broader spectrum of relationships has gained visibility and acceptance. Nonetheless, individuals in the LGBTQ+ community continue to face significant challenges, including discrimination, stigma, rejection, and even hate crimes. This heightened focus on LGBTQ+ struggles can sometimes overshadow the challenges faced by those in heterosexual relationships. While issues of queerness are frequently discussed and acknowledged, the struggles present within heterosexual relationships often go unspoken, partly due to the assumption that these relationships are inherently easier and free of complication. In The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, Jane Ward explores the complex realities that heterosexual relationships trap women in: endless loops of sexism, toxic masculinity, and disappointment.

Ward argues that heterosexual women endure forms of gendered and sexualized violence, highlighting that these are often even more pervasive than those faced by queer people. According to Ward, the emotional, physical, and sexual violence women experience within heterosexual relationships underscores the oppressive nature of these partnerships. She suggests that heterosexual relationships often lack feminist ideals, with an unequal division of labor and limited space for women’s autonomy and fulfillment. This gendered suffering, Ward notes, mirrors that of queer individuals, yet without the benefits queer communities might offer—such as humor, solidarity, or more fluid sexual expression. In her analysis, Ward questions whether men and women are genuinely attracted to each other or if they are compelled to conform to heteronormative expectations, which often trap women in relationships that lack emotional or sexual satisfaction. Many women, she observes, consent to sex that they neither desire nor find pleasurable, reflecting a broader issue within heterosexual frameworks that can feel alienating or even hostile. She contends that this “tragic” state of heterosexuality arises from social norms that fail to instill empathy, affection, or respect for women in men, leaving women with relationships that fall short of the emotional and relational depth that heterosexual love is presumed to offer. Through a feminist and queer lens, Ward critiques the ways traditional gender norms perpetuate these patterns, calling for solidarity between queer people and straight women as misogyny is challenged within heterosexual frameworks.

American scholar, feminist, and author, Jane Ward is known for her work focusing on gender, sexuality, and queer theory. Her research and writing critically examine the social constructs of heterosexuality, whiteness, and gender norms, often challenging traditional views on these topics. In 2003, she earned her PhD in sociology from the University of California Santa Barbara and is professor and chair of Feminist Studies there. Ward’s research spans the intersections of feminist theory, queer theory, gender politics, and straight culture with a particular focus on how these frameworks reinforce societal norms. Her interests also include examining heterosexual culture and the marriage self-help industry, where she critically assesses how these institutions shape people’s expectations of relationships and gender roles. Her three major publications The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men, and Respectably Queer: Diversity Culture in LGBT Activist Organizations offer a critical exploration of sexuality, gender norms, and identity politics. Together, they provide nuanced insights into the complexities of straight culture, the performative aspects of masculinity, and the impact of diversity practices within LGBTQ+ activism, challenging conventional understandings of both queer and heterosexual identities through a feminist lens. Her work has gained attention in both academic and public spheres, with media features in The New York Times, BBC, and NPR, making her a notable voice in feminist and queer studies.

Ward approaches The Tragedy of Heterosexuality with a queer feminist methodology, analyzing heterosexuality through the lens of gender politics, power, and cultural expectations. Her background as a scholar in sociology and gender and sexuality studies, combined with her focus on critical heterosexuality studies, lends her a unique perspective that examines heterosexuality not as a natural default but as a socially enforced norm. Ward uses her training to draw on a wide range of sources, including interviews, historical texts, popular media, and personal narratives, to explore how societal norms influence heterosexual love. Ward’s argument includes discourse analysis of self-help literature and media targeting heterosexual women, as well as ethnographic and critical discourse analysis methods to understand the lived experiences within “straight culture.” Her expertise makes her viewpoint credible, as she deconstructs heterosexuality using queer and feminist theories to reveal its often unexamined impact on women’s well-being. Ward’s background allows her to view heterosexuality from an outsider’s perspective, offering readers a fresh perspective that challenges the assumptions and power structures underlying straight relationships. She critically examines popular advice literature on relationships, dissecting how they often reinforce limiting gender roles and perpetuate problematic behaviors in heterosexual dynamics. Ward’s approach is rigorous and layered, offering both theoretical insights and practical examples. Her methodology effectively illuminates the disparity between romantic ideals and the often less-than-ideal reality many women face. Ward’s blend of qualitative analysis and cultural critique provides a strong foundation for her argument, pushing readers to critically evaluate societal investment in traditional heterosexual norms and consider how these structures might evolve.

Ward’s book’s strengths lie in its insightful analysis, as she challenges heteronormative narratives that often go unquestioned, including widely held assumptions about love, romance, and traditional relationships. Ward’s assessment provides an accessible introduction to gender studies, making complex theories on sexuality and relationships understandable for those new to the subject. By engaging with contemporary culture, she connects her analysis to current issues, showing how modern media and social norms influence our perceptions of romance. Additionally, her focus on gender equality in relationships highlights the importance of mutual respect, illustrating how traditional norms can harm both partners in a heterosexual pairing. These strengths make the book a powerful tool for examining deeply ingrained beliefs and promoting a more balanced understanding of modern day relationships. However, the book also has some weaknesses. While Ward expertly diagnoses the problems with heterosexual culture, she offers fewer practical solutions, which might leave readers unsure about applying her commentary in real life. Additionally, some critics find her portrayal of heterosexual relationships overly negative and generalized, potentially alienating readers whose experiences differ. Lastly, her focus on Western notions of heterosexuality may feel restrictive, as it does not account for the diverse expressions of relationships and gender norms worldwide. Critics suggest that the book could benefit from a more diverse sample of heterosexual experiences, particularly across different cultures and socioeconomic backgrounds.

This book offers a thought provoking and well argued analysis of the impact of traditional heterosexual norms, pushing readers to rethink assumptions about gender roles and relationship dynamics. Ward’s insights push for a more equitable view of romance and partnership, making this book especially valuable for those interested in gender studies, sociology, and cultural critique. The Tragedy of Heterosexuality has sparked diverse reactions among scholars. Many commend her incisive analysis of heterosexual culture and its inherent misogyny. However, while Ward’s stance is widely recognized for its depth and originality, discussions continue regarding the nuances of her arguments and their broader implications. Audiences such as students, educators, and anyone curious about the social constructs of relationships would find this book beneficial. Additionally, those seeking to understand or improve their own relationship dynamics might appreciate Ward’s perspective, even if they do not agree with every point. By provoking critical thought on familiar topics, Ward offers readers a chance to examine and redefine their own expectations of love and partnership in today’s world.

Sources

Ward, Jane. The Tragedy of Heterosexuality. New York University Press, 2022.

Theory to Praxis: A New Cross-Listed Course at Davidson College

One thing that has stood out to me after taking GSS101 this semester is how feminist and queer theory is inherently inaccessible to the average person. Theory has been kept in the realm of academia and most do not ever interact with or see feminist and queer theory until college, if ever. In my experience, I never learned about any theory in any of my years in public school and I had never heard of most of the scholars we discussed until reading their work in class. This course has been eye opening for me and I feel a more informed person after taking it. I personally think that it is important for everyone to, at the very least, know the basics of feminist and queer theory because I believe it informs critical thinking and social awareness. 

I am interested in the development of an interdisciplinary course that would be a part of the educational studies department and the gender and sexuality studies department at Davidson College. This course would cover how we can incorporate theory into elementary and middle school education. A focus would be on how we can create a standardized curriculum that would educate students on feminist and queer theory but in accessible terms so that it is easy to understand. Examples of projects in the course would be: to pare down Michel Foucault’s “History of Sexuality” into a simpler, easier to understand format, to develop a lesson plan that teaches about the waves of feminism and how they have shaped women’s rights, or to incorporate bell hook’s theory from “Black Women Shaping Feminist Theory” into a presentation and assignment suited for different grade levels. Throughout the development of this course and then into how this course is taken into the real world, it will be important to ensure that the information covered is intersectional and inclusive. 

Young students that do not feel like they fit in society’s definitions of gender or labels of sexuality will see early on that they are valid and that the whole concepts of gender and sexuality are ever changing and fluid. Introducing these ideas at a young age will cultivate a generation that will break down the gender binary, sexuality labels, and will create a more inclusive and accepting society.

Book Review: *The Tragedy of Heterosexuality*

Cover of Jane Ward’s The Tragedy of Heterosexuality.

The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, winner of the 2021 PROSE Award in Cultural Anthropology and Sociology, is Jane Ward’s third book. In it, she explores what is wrong with heterosexuality in the 21st century and what straight people can do to fix it. She compares straight to queer relationships, pointing out where straight couple could learn from queer culture, takes a look at the self-help industry (and how it’s not helping at all) and ultimately wonders how straight women (and to a lesser extent men) have survived the tragedy of heterosexuality. Ward offers us a map of the complex and shifting landscape of heterosexual desire in the era of #MeToo, sexual harassment, and Title IX.

Continue reading “Book Review: *The Tragedy of Heterosexuality*” →

The Happy in Unhappiness

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The cover of Sara Ahmed’s The Promise of Happiness seems designed to evoke the emotion of happiness. Titled Happiness Isn’t Happiness without a Violin Playing Goat, everything in the artwork, from the design, to the colors, to the title, exudes light-hearted whimsy. It seems to be a cover that conceals happy contents, but it encloses a book that critiques the emotion the artwork attempts to portray: happiness (Collura). While the idea that happiness is good and that unhappiness is bad is generally accepted as a common worldview, Ahmed challenges this viewpoint by examining how we act and react to the promise of happiness. She primarily does this by observing how groups such as feminists, queers, and migrants are exposed to different expectations for happiness and to different experiences of the emotion. Although she does not explore a topic as lighthearted as the cover suggests, Ahmed’s exploration of the concept of happiness effectively brings the problematic associations of the emotion to light.

The author of the book, Sara Ahmed, is a professor of race and cultural studies at Goldsmiths College, University of London, and she serves as an important voice in the fields of feminism, queer theory, race, and affect theory. When discussing migrants in The Promise of Happiness, she states that she was born to a Pakistani father and English mother, and she comments on the fact that her experiences being in the second-generation of a mixed race family has given her insight into how migrants view happiness (Ahmed 248). She has written several other books that deal with similar topics to the ones discussed in this monograph, such as Queer Phenomenology: Orientations, Objects, Others and Differences that Matter: Feminist Theory and Postmodernism. The Promise of Happiness has not been her first book to deal with affect theory; she also wrote The Cultural Politics of Emotion, demonstrating that on top of focusing on her obvious specialty of cultural studies, she also looks into the culture of emotions. The fact that she is an expert in many different fields of study allows her to provide insight on a topic as broad as the impact of happiness.

The objective of Ahmed’s work in this book is to examine how different groups of people are promised happiness and how this promise affects these people. She focuses primarily on affect aliens, “those who are alienated by virtue of how they are affected by the world or how they affect others in the world” (164). These are the people who do not receive the same promise of happiness as the privileged and those in the majority, and the affect aliens she focuses on are the feminist killjoy, the unhappy queer, the melancholic migrant, and the hopeless revolutionary. In the book, Ahmed gives stories as to why these groups of people are not met with happiness by the people around them and why this absence of happiness results in them being recognized as unhappy people. By analyzing these judgments of unhappiness and the lack of possibility for a traditionally happy future for affect aliens, Ahmed argues that unhappiness is not necessarily a bad thing and that happiness is not necessarily a good thing. Her book serves as an argument that “we need to think about unhappiness as more than a feeling that should be overcome” (217). She explores the idea that simply because these affect aliens do not experience traditional representations of happiness and face more challenges than those in the majority does not mean that they are worse off than those who fit the mold as being “happy.” Although unexpected, this argument caused me to recognize the problematic tendencies with the construct of happiness.

Ahmed’s method of research involves her following the word happiness as it appears in mediums such as movies, novels, and scholarly works as a way to uncover information about how the promise of happiness affects different groups of people. “[She tracks] the word happiness, asking what histories are evoked by the mobility of this word” as a way to view what the usage of this word implies and study the effect that it has (14). She uses this method in order to uncover how happiness promises hope. She defines this “the promise of happiness [as] what makes certain objects proximate, affecting how the world gathers around us,” and by tracking the word, she is able to view how this promise of happiness affects different people (14). Her main sources are “unhappy archives,” which are primarily books and films that are “assembled around the struggle against happiness” (18). She discusses books such as George Eliot’s The Mill on the Floss to discuss finding happiness as a feminist and Annie on My Mind to discuss the the power parents have in determining happiness for queers. She also looks into movies such as The Hours, If These Walls Could Talk 2, Bend it Like Beckham, and Children of Men, which all look at happiness from the perspective of affect aliens. She also states that her archive for the book draws from more than simply just books and films, and that “[her] archive is also [her] world, [her] life-world, [her] past as well as present, where the word happiness has echoed so powerfully” (19). Encounters with happiness occur in all mediums, so Ahmed follows the emotion wherever it takes her.

On top of an examination of popular constructions, Ahmed also looks into the analysis of happiness from scholarly perspectives. Ahmed combines her expertise on her specialties of affect theory, gender theory, and feminist theory with philosophy and positive psychology in her research. This includes a focus on works done on happiness by philosophers such as Nietzche, Aristotle, Rosseau, and Kant, on top of looking at works by psychologists such as Alan Carr and Michael Argyle. Her incorporation of these authors demonstrates how her work combines aspects of multiple different fields of studies. Her analysis allows her to expand on and also to negate the popular ideas on happiness made by other scholars. This commentary along with her personal research allows her to insert herself into the scholarly conversation on happiness. By combining works of specialists in these fields with her own findings on the cultural productions from her “unhappy archives,” Ahmed creates a portfolio of sources that examine the effects of the promise of happiness.

Out of all of the sources that Ahmed uses from her unhappy archives, cultural productions are what the majority of her arguments are based off of. She uses both books and movies that center around characters who identify as affect aliens, and she uses the stories of these characters as her sources about how happiness affects individuals. However, by focusing on the happiness of characters instead of real people, her arguments on the happiness of actual feminists, queers, migrants and others seems inauthentic. Books and movies are created in order to be dramatic, so the stories of characters in them do not necessarily depict real-life experiences. Therefore, I have trouble with the fact that Ahmed uses these sources as examples of the struggles that affect aliens go through. Some of the stories that she follows may depict real-life situations, but as a whole, the plotlines that she examines are fictional. Because of this, I left the book wishing that she had examined the stories of real people as in-depth as she examines cultural productions. The anecdotes from other people that she mentioned were some of the most impactful parts of her book. For example, Ahmed uses a story from Audre Lorde about being spit on by white men as a young, black child to consider the unhappiness surrounding racism (82-83). After I finished the book, I did not remember the details about every cultural production that Ahmed examined, but this account of racism made a lasting impact. Therefore, I wish that Ahmed had used more stories like this one.

Despite some problems, as a whole, I believe that the majority of Ahmed’s arguments rang true, and I left the book questioning if happiness was in fact a positive construct. I especially identified with her analysis on the ways most people, myself included, feel inclined to appear happy for those around us. She argues that “we have a responsibility for our own happiness insofar as promoting our own happiness is what enables us to increase other people’s happiness” (9). We feel obligated to always project ourselves as happy people because by appearing unhappy, we are preventing happiness from spreading. Feminists are often labelled as “killjoys” because they refuse to participate in this cycle of false happiness. Shulamith Firestone led a feminist movement to encourage women to only project signs of happiness when they felt truly happy, demonstrating that “feminism involves challenging the very ‘pressure’ of happiness, the way it restricts the possibilities for finding excitement, of being excited” (69). This desire to limit portrayals of happiness that only are for show has resulted in feminists often becoming labelled as killjoys because they reject the pressure of presenting themselves as “people pleasers.” I had never paid much attention to the pressure placed on me or the people around me to never appear unhappy, but this book prompted me to notice it. I found this theme explored by Ahmed to be her most effective argument in terms of explaining the role of happiness in my day-to-day life, and her discussion on this subject has been my biggest takeaway from the book. She allowed me to further understand the negative perceptions surrounding feminism, and as a feminist, her argument caused me to start to make more of an effort to let go of my desire to people please.

The Promise of Happiness offers a perspective on happiness that goes against the norm. Calling happiness bad seems to be an oxymoron, and the same goes for calling unhappiness good. However, Ahmed argues that these associations should be made more often. She convinced me to stop automatically assuming that happiness is always positive. On top of agreeing with what Ahmed said, I enjoyed reading her arguments. Her book was well-written, easy to follow, and I would definitely recommend it. Although she primarily studies the effects of happiness on affect aliens, her study on happiness can be applied to how all groups of people react to the emotion and judge the happiness of those around them.

 

Works Cited

Ahmed, Sara. The Promise of Happiness. Durham NC: Duke University Press Books, 2010. Print.

Collura, Reyna. Happiness Isn’t Happiness without a Violin-Playing Goat. n.d.