Part of being a freshman at Davidson is looking for clubs for everything you’re interested in. Freshmen crave connection to people interested in the same things they are, much like anyone does. Last year, when I was a freshman, I fell into many clubs that I now hold leadership positions in, clubs where I found some of my closest friends. Some of the clubs I joined included Weekly College Worship (a multi-denominational Christian group that holds a worship service once a week), UKirk (the Presbyterian group on campus), and the clubs/affinity groups for LGBTQ+ people. I was looking for ways to engage with some of my identity communities: my faith, my sexuality, and my gender. By my engagement in these groups, I noticed a distinct lack of a space meant for queer people to interact with their faith. While the spaces I’m active in are affirming of LGBTQ+ Christians, they aren’t spaces designed with us in mind. This distinction is an important one to make.
To start working on a solution to this problem, I propose a dinner event or series, maybe co-sponsored by the Chaplains’ Office and the Center for Diversity and Inclusion, focused on creating a space for queer people with a desire to explore their connection to religion. While my own experience lies with being a queer Christian, I would love for this to be an interfaith space that celebrates each person’s connection to both their queerness and their faith. My book report selection for this class, A House of Prayer for All by David K. Seitz, looked partially at how people in the LGBTQ+ community engage with faith when they’re in a space that they feel comfortable exploring the two together. Spaces for these connections to happen already exist in other places, and the Davidson community would be better by encouraging them.
Areas and groups made intentionally for LGBTQ+ students at Davidson are lacking. The Lavender Lounge, while a good resource, is a tiny room near a study area and a laundry room in the basement of a freshman dorm. The Spencer-Weinstein Center, while a great space for all affinity groups on campus, is exactly that: one building meant to allow space for every affinity group on campus. For the queer community, there’s either YANASH or Queers & Allies. Both organizations are wonderful, I’m by no means trying to bash any of these places or groups. My only point is that I can count the spaces, both physical and relational, intended for queer students on one hand. For a group as diverse and with such incredibly varied experience as the queer community, surely we are deserving of more than this? A group for support, encouragement, and community among religious LGBTQ+ people at Davidson deserves a chance.
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” A lovely saying that we’ve all heard many times. However, society’s idea of beauty is less defined by the eye of the beholder than as a concept that changes with the typical depictions of people in media of the time. Jean Kilbourne’s TED Talk on Killing Us Softly IV: Advertising Images of Women gives a comprehensive look at and interpretation of her research on how women have been portrayed in media since the late 1960’s. When listening to the song “Beautiful is Boring” by BONES UK, the connections make themselves.
The first verse includes the lyric, “They said they did not want my face in their magazine/’Cause I’m not beautiful”. The singer doesn’t suit society’s definition of beautiful, and therefore is denied access to certain levels of visibility. In regard to societal standards of beauty, Kilbourne says, “From my perspective of over 40 years, the image of women in advertising is worse than ever. The pressure on women to be young, thin, and beautiful is more intense than ever before” (3:27-3:37). The singer doesn’t care about how society defines beautiful, young and thin and perfect. The second verse has the lyric, “It does not please me to be easy on any of your eyes”. Clearly, the singer’s priority does not fall with how others perceive her. This confidence and self-assuredness isn’t something that comes naturally however. Kilbourne points out that “the self-esteem of girls in America often plummets when they reach adolescence. Girls tend to feel fine about themselves when they are 8, 9, 10 years old, but they hit adolescence and they often hit a wall. And certainly, part of this wall is this terrible emphasis on physical perfection” (Kilbourne 6:51-7:17). Many times, as Kilbourne states, the expectations from society to look a certain way and be perfect can be crushing. It can absolutely destroy a young person’s confidence.
The singer isn’t unaware of this, despite her own confidence and self-assuredness. The third verse has a lyric that critiques society on “teaching children to be anything other than who they are”. Kilbourne has many points on the alteration of children’s perceptions of themselves in society by media, from girls being “more prone to eating disorders, depression, and low self-esteem” (13:17-13:24), boys being “encouraged to look at girls as sex objects, …encouraged to be sexually precocious” (10:17-10:33), and women of color being “considered beautiful only insofar as they resemble the white ideal: light skin, straight hair, Caucasian features, round eyes” (5:25-5:39). The whole message of the song, “beautiful is boring”, argues that people are much more interesting when they exist as themselves than conform to society. This message is inherently feminist, as it pushes against the factors in society that hold women back from being their complete selves.
Do you ever see an ad and just think. . . an effort was made. Was it successful? Absolutely not. But the company tried. Is that always enough though? How close to a good amount of effort is close enough to accomplish the purpose? How far off does a company need to be to be ineffective? These are all questions I’ve been asking myself and my friends in regards to the “High Neck Longline Bra” from Girlfriend Collective that swept the media (well, swept my targeted ads on social media) a bit ago. This product is marketed as a supportive and compressive sports bra, but the caption on their Instagram ad, pictured below, is “Full coverage plus a layer of power mesh for extra support. *Wink*”. Yes, they wrote out the word wink in asterisks. No, I’m not sure why they didn’t just use a semicolon-parenthesis combo.
Girlfriend Collective [@girlfriend]. Picture of Instagram ad for Girlfriend Collective’s High Neck Longline Bra. Instagram.
If you’re in a pretty intense sport, you might look at this bra and see a good supportive bra. If you’re somewhere in the genderqueer category, you can squint a little bit and see a potential binder alternative. Not only is it possible, but this realization already happened very visibly in the comment section. This realization has both positive and negative side effects, as I’ll explain later. Below are some of the comments on this ad, with names and profile pictures marked out for privacy. My personal favorites are “Binder 💞light💞” and “besties this is a binder”.
Screenshot of comments on Girlfriend Collective’s Instagram ad. Girlfriend Collective [@girlfriend]. Picture of various comments on the ad above. Instagram.
These sorts of comments are harmless, or at least seem to be. Using sports bras as binders is not a new concept to people with breasts that do not identify as cisgender women. Buying actual binders can sometimes be inaccessible to people who might not be out to the people they live with. Many times, young people will bind unsafely with Ace bandages or sports tape instead of a binder to either avoid outing themselves or accommodate their financial situation. At times like these, it’s easier for someone to convince their parents to buy a sports bra over something marketed as a binder.
Does it actually work as a binder though? According to two of the TikToks I found, yes!! Isn’t that exciting? Accounts @salemnight (he/they) and @cowboinary (they/them) on TikTok both did reviews on the High Neck Longline Bra from Girlfriend Collective. Salem gave a holistic and visual review of how the bra looked in comparison to his other binders and bras as well as answering some common questions, while @cowboinary focused more on how the bra felt and compressed in comparison to their other binders. These TikToks I found after simply searching “girlfriend collective binder” can serve as an incredibly useful resource to young people or closeted people looking for binders that are accessible to them, as well as assuring people that it does actually work as a binder.
Screenshot of comments on Girlfriend Collective’s Instagram ad. Girlfriend Collective [@girlfriend]. Picture of an exchange in the comments of ad pictured above. Instagram.
However, the visibility and accessibility of this product might also serve as a detriment to its usefulness in some ways. Above, with names and profile pictures yet again blocked out for privacy, you can see an exchange between two users in the comments section of this Girlfriend Collective ad on Instagram. One person asks “WHY would you want a HIGH neck bra??” Another user responds explaining that it’s a binder, marketed as a sports bra “so those who are in the closet or in an unsafe environment to come out in can get one to help with dysphoria without outing themselves and risking harm”. The first user responds positively in a reply. However, imagine for a second that you’re a young trans man, looking for a way to convince your transphobic parents to buy you a binder or allow you to get one without coming out. They think it’s an odd request, to get a high neck bra, go onto Instagram, ask this question, and get a response that could potentially force you into an uncomfortable situation. This may or may not happen, but it’s not ideal, right?
The rise of social media and marketing on these platforms has resulted in a multitude of both problems and benefits. Benefit: people are funny in the comments of what, to them, is an obvious secret binder. Problem: the discrete nature of the marketing can be ruined by people thinking it’s funny. Benefit: TikTok provides a platform where multiple people can assure you in different ways that a product is going to work how it says it will. Problem: TikTok provides a platform that brings so much attention to a certain product that even a month later, most sizes are sold out (including my own, sadly). These pros and cons don’t necessarily cancel themselves out, but it’s an interesting and complex issue that companies who aim to produce these discrete products should consider.
So. With this High Neck Longline Bra ad, I just think. . . an effort was made. Was it successful? In my mind, partially. It’s rather expensive for an improper binder at $42, where there are other less expensive options. However, the brand is incredible with size-inclusivity and sustainability. The company tried. Is that always enough though? How close to discrete is close enough to accomplish this subtlety? How far off from discrete does the company need to be to have people aware that this is a secret binder? Is the *Wink* enough, or should they have just put a semicolon and a parenthesis? Many of these questions are unanswerable, as we don’t yet have enough experience with these hurdles (I really do think they should’ve just used a little 😉 though). These questions and conversations are important, regardless of our lack of answers, as our goal as consumers and producers of media should always be to learn more and adapt to the times. While we have these conversations around discrete marketing, I’ll be watching my email carefully for an update on when the bra/binders come back into stock. For, uh, research.
