How many of you consider heterosexuality to be the normal, and homosexuality to be the exception? How many of you live under the assumption that people who are homosexual wish to be heterosexual, and stick to societal norms? How many of you think that it must be easier to be heterosexual than homosexual, due to the innate biases of our world? Jane Ward, in The Tragedy of Heterosexuality addresses all of these questions and more, making the argument that the idea that heterosexuality is easier than queerness needs to be revisited. Ward explores exactly what is wrong with heterosexuality culture in the 21st century, and offers solutions for straight people and how they can fix their culture for good. She eventually lands on the conclusion that straight people could learn a lot more from the queer community, and engage in romantic and sexual relationships with more respect.
Read more: Book Review-The Tragedy of HeterosexualityThe main goal of The Tragedy of Heterosexuality is two-fold: first, to explain and explore the suffering that straight people, and particularly straight women endure in heterosexuality culture and two, to offer solutions to all of those concerns and pain points. Ward’s main solution finds her redefining heterosexuality in its entirety, in order to address the needs of both straight men and women in a healthy, respectful manner. The main thesis can be found early in the book on page 2, to set the foundation for the rest of Ward’s ideas, “this book argues that the basic premise of this question-that heterosexuality is easier than queerness-requires renewed investigation” (Ward, 2). Ward is not necessarily arguing that heterosexuality is always harder than queerness, but that there are situations in which heterosexuality definitely stands out as being especially cruel.
Jane Ward is a self proclaimed “white feminist dyke” (Ward, 2016 69). She is a professor of gender and sexuality studies at the University of California, Riverside. She is a sociologist by training, and teaches courses in feminism, heterosexuality, and queer studies. The Tragedy of Heterosexuality is Ward’s third and most recent book, which was published in 2020. Before The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, Ward published Respectably Queer and Not Gay. Respectably Queer is based on her observations of three different queer organizations: the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center, Bienestar, and Los Angeles-Christopher Street West. Not Gay explores same sex encounters between men who identify as heterosexual. It overall explores the history of queerness and straightness in men, looking to answer the question of if sexual encounters is the only thing that can make a man gay or straight. The Tragedy of Heterosexuality is the most well-known work of Ward, and even received the 2021 PROSE Award in Cultural Anthropology and Sociology. NY Times Reviewer explains that “The Tragedy of Heterosexuality wastes absolutely no time getting to the point, but while many of the sentences (including the title) made me laugh out loud, it is at heart a somber, urgent academic examination of the many ways in which opposite-sex coupling can hurt the very individuals who cling to it most.” It has received high praise, and has been deemed the most successful publication in the course of her career.
The book is made up of 5 chapters: Let’s Call it What It Is: The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, He’s Just Not That into You: The Misogny Paradox, Pickup Artists: Inside the Seduction Industry, A Sick and Boring Life: Queer People Diagnose the Tragedy, and Deep Heretosexuality: Toward a Future in Which Straight Men Like Women So Much That they Actually Like Women. The book lacks a formal introduction, and rather just gets right into the heart of the point and the main argument. The first chapter lays out the goals of Ward, to give heterosexuality a diagnosis in the eyes of a lesbian feminist, and to display the evidence as to why her diagnosis makes sense, including evidence like “Disney/Pixar [who] are still using the big screen to communicate to little girls that finding a prince makes magic happen, changes the world, wins wars, beautifies everything, and brings girls closer to the divine” (Ward, 13) and “that blatant expressions of misogyny have become the commonplace language of heterosexual sex itself (“fuck that bitch”, “murder that pussy”, “beat that pussy up”, “choke her out”, “dig her out”, “nail her”, “pound her”, and so forth)) (Ward, 13). Ward clearly makes her argument, that heterosexual culture is harmful, and uses real world examples to explain how that harmful culture is used in our everyday lives.
The second chapter, He’s Just Not That into You: The Misogyny Paradox, Ward defines what the Misogyny Paradox is: “men’s simultaneous desire for and hatred of women” (Ward, 33). Ward looks back into history, and specifically the early twentieth century. She uses case studies such as marriage manuals, where marriage experts “recognized men’s disinterest and violence toward women, and women’s resentment and fear of men, as fundamental obstacles for straight relationships” (Ward 38). Ward notices a pattern-that there is a tremendous amount of labor involved to make the man, or the husband, like the woman or the wife. In the twentieth century, an industry was designed to “train men and women to like each other” (Ward 38). This lays the foundation for how heterosexual relationships are meant to be understood, and includes the inherent basis that it takes time and training for men and women to enjoy each other’s presence, and that many times it does not occur naturally on its own terms.
The third chapter, Pickup Artists: Inside the Seduction Industry, Ward takes a look at the contemporary seduction industry. Ward inserts herself into her research, and takes it upon herself to interview “seduction coaches”, and even attend two weekend-long seduction workshops. The self-help seduction industry that once was targeted towards women, now includes straight men as well. According to the text, this is because women now control the terms of sex and seduction, which can be traced back to the popularity of the #metoo movement. Instead of men wanting to be branded as “pickup artists”, they are now taught and expected to have a more holistic and “feminist friendly” approach in flirting and dating (Ward, 76). Although this is a good transition, the basis on which the seduction industry was created is, for lack of better words, foul. The seduction industry was built upon masculine sexual leadership, and toxic masculinity. Men would pick up women in a way that was demeaning and disrespectful, and yet a majority of women would still accept that behavior (ultimately knowing nothing different). Although we as a society have made a change in the positive direction of the seduction industry, Ward comments that “the most effective strategies for getting straight men on board with profeminist, antirape messages is giving them space to celebrate their masculinity in the same breath” (Ward, 106). Therefore, the transition that men have made is not truly “feminist”, but rather another space where they feel they can explore and express their masculinity.
In chapter four, A Sick and Boring Life: Queer People Diagnose the Tragedy, Ward offers insight into how “radical queers” view heterosexual relationships. Ward offers an example at the beginning of the chapter about how in all of her lectures, all of the queer students sit together in a group, almost always. She explains how this is frequently dismissed as self-segregation and a coping mechanism, but how it can also be explained by members of the queer community not wanting to witness the sadness that happens in heterosexual communities. Ward explains that for queer people, heterosexuality can be “too sad or enraging to witness, too boring or traumatic to endure” (Ward, 114). She acknowledges how this may not be the case for all queer people, but also asserts her intention in explaining that this chapter is for the queer people who do feel that way. Ward designs a short survey that she posts to her social media profiles (specifically Twitter and Facebook) that is directed to queer identified people. She asked two questions: “do you prefer the company of straight-identified people over queer-identified people and why or why not?”, and “is there anything about straight people, or straight culture, that you find off-putting? Uncomfortable? Sad? Strange” (Ward, 120). Fifty three out of fifty eight respondents described heterosexual relationships as “boring” (Ward, 125), “sad” ( Ward, 127), “small,” and “scripted” (Ward, 140). Straight “rituals” such as baby showers and gender reveal parties are perceived as “bizarre,” “off-putting,” “not creative” (Ward, 143-144). Chapter four clearly shows the perception of heterosexuality by queer people, and how it is often seen in a negative light. Ward ends chapter four with a question, and potential for change, “is it possible that heterosexuality…can rescue itself from its own tragic condition?” (Ward, 154).
In chapter five, Deep Heretosexuality: Toward a Future in Which Straight Men Like Women So Much That They Actually Like Women, Ward poses an answer for this question. She reasserts her intention in writing the book, that it is not to just be negative towards heterosexuality, but rather helps straight people find a solution for the way in which they experience sexual and romantic relationships. The last chapter has an inherent focus on straight men, and Ward explains that in order to be authentically straight, straight men “need to learn to like women” (Ward, 158). That means not just like women for what they offer you, but like women for truly what they are, what they accomplish, and what they pursue. Attraction can not just come from what is seen on the outside to have a healthy version of heterosexuality, but rather come from attraction of a women’s personality and lived experiences.
Overall, I think Ward does a really strong job in inserting herself in her research. Instead of speaking from speculation, she makes a true effort to become a part of the communities and conversations that she is studying. For example, instead of just reading about or researching seduction workshops, Ward attends two and listens attentively and interacts with attendees. Another strength of the book is the casual language and the humor that is integrated throughout the novel. The concept of this novel is heavy, but Ward strikes a balance of recognizing the serious nature of this issue, while also keeping it lighthearted enough for all audiences to understand and absorb the information.
One weakness of the novel is the perspectives of opinions. A lot of times throughout the novel, queer people were cited. She used information from a survey for queer people, and because of Ward’s identity, the entire novel is written from the perspective of a queer feminist. Although this may be the intention of Ward, I do think the research could have been strengthened by integrating different perspectives and specifically perspectives of the heterosexual community.
The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, at its’ core, is a masterpiece. As a straight female, I resonated with so many of Ward’s points that I have not been able to put into words. It made me feel afraid, but also comforted, to know that I am not alone in feeling the way that I feel. I think every straight person should read this book to be aware of the culture that they are a part of, and where that culture comes from. Without even knowing it, I participate in a large heterosexual culture every single day. Because heterosexuality has been deemed as the “norm” by society, it is easy to forget that you are apart of something. By familiarizing myself with the culture and community of my sexuality, I now have the right knowledge to change the culture in a more positive and respectful manner that uplifts all women and men.
Sources
Jane Ward: Department of Sociology: Michigan State University. Jane Ward | Department of Sociology | Michigan State University. (n.d.). Retrieved November 10, 2022, from https://sociology.msu.edu/events/archives/2022/dei-ward.html
Ward, J. (2022). Tragedy of heterosexuality. New York University Press.
Wikimedia Foundation. (2022, November 1). Jane Ward. Wikipedia. Retrieved November 10, 2022, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Ward
