To me, not using products for a day was more or less an easy task. The products that I typically use that I had to omit were: deodorant, hair oil, bodywash, shampoo, and conditioner. At no point in my day did not using these products make me feel uncomfortable because I didn’t work out that day. I purposefully chose to not work out, though. Had I gotten sweaty, I would have felt less comfortable not showering and using deodorant.
There was one moment where I had an internal dilemma about my use of products. I have been using a hair growth product for the last year since a dermatologist identified my early onset hair loss. I think of this as a medicine that would fall outside of the no-product day challenge. Honestly, though, this product is cosmetic rather than health-related.
No-product day made me think about how hair is one part of the body where men have expectations that feel like those the patriarchy often puts upon women. Young men who are losing their hair are seen as unattractive and therefore less worthy of attention. I have been afraid of losing my hair because lots of men in my extended family are bald and I like having lots of hair, but I am starting to reckon with this change and how it conflicts with societal expectations.
Overall, my takeaway is that for cis-men the consumer culture around products is nowhere near as stringent and encompassing as it is for other people. Even with this privilege, I was still able to feel the pressure to buy products to change yourself given by our capitalist society.
Stacey Waite is a poet and Professor of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Her poetry is bold in its confrontation of gender norms and ideals, but her beliefs are nuanced in an interesting and creative way.
What I found most interesting about Waite’s visit to Davidson was her discussion of pronouns. As a teacher and professor, she doesn’t have a time when students are supposed to share their pronouns. I have become so familiar with the introduction (especially in queer safe spaces) that includes name, fun fact, and pronouns. Waite believes that if you give everyone an opportunity to share what is most important to them, those who want to share their pronouns can. I personally like what we did in your class where we put our pronouns somewhere where people can see them if they want to see them.
Stacey Waite’s beliefs about pronouns display her more generalized belief that gender shouldn’t be taken so seriously. Obviously, this doesn’t mean that she believes you shouldn’t have to respect people’s gender identity and performance. Instead, she believes that gender should be fun and however you want it to be. She believes that people who have progressive ideas about gender and sexuality shouldn’t push out people who haven’t gotten here yet. Rather, we should bring them in to help them know that a person is defined beyond their gender and that you care about them wanting to learn and change. These beliefs were very powerful to me because I have personally worked with my parents about their beliefs that contradict mine. Because I didn’t shut my parents out, they were able to grow and learn so many new ways of thinking. Obviously not everyone owes this to the people in their lives, but it is cool to see an activist with such a positive attitude towards the direction of gender.
To me, I love hearing about someone who expresses the malleability and exciting possibility of gender in their art. Waite’s poems were beautiful and emotional. They reminded me of Jacob Tobia (a personal role model) and their coming of gender story. I am super excited that Davidson was able to get Stacey Waite to come to talk to us because I have another gender role model who creates art that I am interested in.
Even in the era of fourth wave feminism, most American children still grow up in a rigid gender binary. They learn to practice gender roles that shape their personalities and their lives. Then, those with a certain amount of privilege find themselves thrown onto American college campuses with unprecedented freedom in their gender identity and expression. How do they navigate this freedom? Do they play into the gender roles they have been taught or learn new ways of existing as a human? A place where these questions are especially relevant is in American Greek life. Fraternities and sororities are the epitome of gendered social organizations and they have been the subject of much controversy over the past 200 years. How does gender manifest itself inside these privileged organizations, and what are the solutions to the woes of Greek life?
In his book “Inside Greek U,” Alan DeSantis (he/him) breaks down gender within America’s fraternities and sororities. His deep dive into Greek life through being a professor and Greek advisor at University of Kentucky (nicknamed GU for Greek University), led to five conclusions about the state of modern fraternities and sororities with a specific focus on gender. After his five specific conclusions, DeSantis summarizes what he has come to believe through his extensive research:
Before the following scene, the main character Maeve is heckled by two young members of an anti-abortion group. They intend to create a feeling of shame and guilt strong enough to dissuade Maeve from getting her abortion. Maeve enters the abortion clinic holding onto these complicated feelings as well as some level of fear.
The scene continues to show the shame and fear that consumes this medical space, but also shows the kindness and empathy that helps Maeve get through the experience. As seen from the comments on this video, this episode of Sex Education is cherished for showing the experience of getting an abortion in a realistic and nuanced way.
The shame surrounding abortion is also shown coming from the medical community. Sarah, who is getting an abortion at the same time as Maeve has been to this same clinic before for to get an abortion. Someone working in the clinic says to her, “Maybe there will be a chocolate [pudding] the next time you’re here, Sarah.” This medical professional is painting Sarah’s choice to get an abortion as an innate moral failure which is bound to happen again.
One of the most powerful things about Sex Education’s depiction of abortion is the way that support changes the experience for Maeve. Sarah says to Maeve, “Don’t worry love, I’ve got three kids and I feel way more guilty about the ones that I had than the ones I chose not to. It’s better not being a mom at all than being a bad one.” Maeve is able to console Sarah and tell her that her kids really love her. Then, leaving the clinic, Maeve sees that Otis waited for her to drive her home and even got her flowers. Both of these acts of kindness allowed Maeve to not feel like she was making the wrong decision in terminating her pregnancy.
While this episode is cherished as one of the best depictions of abortion in mainstream pop culture, Maeve’s story doesn’t give the full picture. For one, I have only ever seen in-clinic abortions depicted in television. The reality is that a large percentage of abortions are completed by taking a series of two pills at home. The in-person abortion makes for a more dramatic scene in a show, but it leaves you thinking that is everyone’s experience.
Another lens worth considering is abortion access based on location, class, and race. Maeve’s experience was as simple as contacting the clinic and making an appointment. The clinic appeared to be in town, and Maeve had a friend willing to help with travel. Imagining a similar situation in Oklahoma, a young woman would have to search for abortion clinics across state borders. Without the right resources this could prove to be impossible for a young student. We also don’t see much financial discussion of Maeve’s abortion. In the United States, an abortion can cost anywhere from 750 to 1500 dollars depending on your insurance and how far you are into your pregrancy. Maeve, in her financial situation, likely would not have been able to afford this procedure in the United States. It is also worth thinking about Maeve’s position as a white woman in this show. Having seen countless stories about the struggles of being a person of color in a healthcare system built for white people, we can imagine that Maeve’s experience would have been different if she wasn’t white. For one, her fear may have increased exponentially being operated on by a team of mostly white doctors and nurses. She also may have experienced a greater travel barrier in getting to an abortion clinic as medical facilities are more frequent and better funded in areas with historically privileged families. Also, the medical advice given to her may have aligned better with the research that had previously been done on white bodies.
I believe that this scene is overall a positive representation of an abortion experience for a young person in high school. We see the pain and sadness, the shame and secrecy, and the moments of support and kindness. We may not see the full picture of what it means to get an abortion around the world for people with varying levels of privilege, but that isn’t what Sex Education is trying to do in this episode. ‘Sex Ed’ does a great job of displaying different types of people and their stories; in this episode they are telling the story of Maeve. In the lens of contemporary social justice centered media, this is a great perspective to consider. This remains true as long as you remember that this isn’t everyone’s experience with abortion and actively seek out other perspectives.
