Is being queer so tragic? Clearly, there is a common narrative that idealises straight over queer relationships: “No one would choose to be queer” or “being straight is so much easier.” While there is much privilege in being straight in a heteronormative society, this “tragedy of queerness” has gone unexamined. In fact, this narrative conflicts with simple, observable situations in our society: Why do women not benefit from straight relationships as much as men do? Why are queer people proud of their queerness if it is such a tragic thing? Jane Ward takes on the challenge of examining this narrative —the tragedy of queerness— and proposes that, even more worrisome is The Tragedy of Heterosexuality.

In The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, Ward argues that “under the weight of heteronormativity […] people have come to understand heterosexuality as the most instinctive and fulfilling form of sexual relating.” While she recognises the difficulties of queer relations, she questions whether straight relations bring such ease and fulfillment. For Ward, heterosexuality is the tragedy because of the patriarchal and misogynistic nature of heterosexual relations that, paradoxically, teaches men to desire and hate women while also romanticises violence. For queer people, this means that actually, heterosexual relations are nothing to wish for. But for straight people, this clearly fleshes out the problem of misogyny, to put it mildly. Thus, Ward advocates for a reconstruction of heterosexuality: “a future in which straight men like women so much that they actually like women.” This is a straight relationship that does not perpetuate misogyny.

This deep analysis of heterosexual relations is presented in a digestible and extremely engaging way. The book is written masterfully: it combines the different aspects of an academic analysis, with stories, quotes and interviews that make it easier for the reader to make the argument personal, and includes the insights of the author as a queer and Feminist scholar. She is also the author of Not Gay: Sex between Straight White Men (2015) and Respectability Queer: Diversity Culture in LGTB Activist Organizations (2008). She received her PhD in Sociology by the University of California Santa Barbara in 2003. Currently, Dr. Jane Ward is a professor of Gender and Sexuality Studies at the University of California Riverside, where she teaches courses on feminist, queer and heterosexuality studies. Her experience is clearly reflected in her book, The Tragedy of Heterosexuality (2020). 

The book is divided into 5 chapters in which Ward uses different methods to explain the way the tragedy of heterosexuality is, how it came to be, what it is nowadays, what it has to offer and how we can change it. Chapter 1 problematizes the tragedy of queerness narrative and examines the patriarchal and misogynistic character of heterosexual relations by drawing from the arguments of queer women of the 70s such as Audre Lorde and Gloria Anzaldúa, and other queer and feminist scholars such as Brittney Cooper.

In chapter 2, Ward looks at different self-help books from the early 20th century up until the 21st century that gave relationship advice for straight couples. Through this archival examination, Ward shows how the idea of heterosexual relationships has changed throughout time. Yet, some concepts have survived or adapted, despite their dichotomic nature. This is the case of the misogyny paradox —men are encouraged to both desire and hate women— which has evolved from the repulsion towards sex in the victorian era to the portrayal of irreconcilable alienation between men and women in self-help books of the early 21st century. Ward concludes chapter 2 highlighting that “women have struggled with and against the tragedy of heterosexuality, not only by consuming self-help strategies they hoped would improve their lives but also by tirelessly calling out misogyny and its effects on their relationships.”

Ward leverages her experience as a sociologist to observe and interview seminars by pick-up artists and dating coaches in chapter 3. Ward’s sociological analysis of these popular dating seminars concludes that, despite changes in the narrative to conform with a post-MeToo era, these coaches and pick-up artists perpetuate the misogyny paradox. 

In chapter 4, Ward asks her queer friends about what puts them off about straight culture and identifies patterns and similarities. She concludes that straight culture has nothing to offer to queer people, and because of its misogynistic nature, it is actually boring, violent and repulsive. 

The fifth and final chapter offers a possible solution to the misogyny paradox: “deep heterosexuality.” Ward draws from two lesbian feminist interventions that she thinks could shape the effort of deep heterosexuality. The first one is denaturalising heterosexuality, which implies the recognition that heterosexuality is not a “natural,” set-in-stone characteristic, but rather a trait that is shaped by society. If heterosexuality is learned, then deep heterosexuality involves owning, and being responsible for one’s heterosexuality. As Ward puts it, deep heterosexuality means that straight people “recognize the structural and cultural conditions that have produced, but also stunted, their heterosexuality.” The second intervention is learning that desire and lust are compatible with identification. This means that men’s attraction for women must also include men’s interest in women’s collective freedom. 

Clearly, Ward offers a great book that incites both reflection and action. Praising Ward’s monograph, I highlight 3 things that make this a great book. First, as previously mentioned, the book is well written, in a way that makes academic concepts accessible to everyone without diminishing the quality of Ward’s analysis of heterosexual relations. Secondly, Ward uses multiple methods to further her argument. This multiplicity of methods help the reader understand the tragedy of heterosexuality at various different levels. For example, we are offered both a broader historical perspective in chapter 2 and a more individual perspective from real people in chapter 4, but we are also introduced to a literature review in chapters 1 and 5. Thirdly, Ward really conceptualizes the problem in a way that can be clearly understood by the reader and adds more personal insights so that the reader can identify with the problem, and calls for action to move towards a solution. In other words, Ward’s The Tragedy of Heterosexuality offers a full circle: the reader can engage both in understanding the problem but also in being part of the solution. 

While the author’s analysis shows the complexity brought by the intersectionality of sex, sexual orientation and race, in addition to non-Western perspectives such as Afsaneh Najmabadi’s, matters of class are barely mentioned. This component can be important, especially considering Ward’s observations that men who attend pick-up artists’ and dating coaches’ seminars pay large amounts of money for these events, and that there is a great disparity in the distribution of labour in heterosexual relations, which is a clear detriment of women. 

This leads me to a second weakness of the book, which, for me, is Ward’s audience. Some parts of the book seem to consider the queer community as the targetted audience, since the call to action is to have solidarity and allyship with straight people. Some other parts, like chapter 5, seem to be written for straight men instead. While the book might have been written for a broad audience, making the target audience explicit for each call to action would have been a more effective and impactful way of communicating. Finally, a weakness or a strength, part of what makes Ward’s book engaging is the sense of humor that fills the book between case studies, quotes and academic analysis. While her sense of humor may help some readers engage with the book, it may sound patronizing for a less receptive, straight, male audience that the book is arguably trying to reach. This, however, falls in the grey area in which personal preferences in terms of writing style can change how the tone of the book is perceived. That being said, The Tragedy of Heterosexuality truly deserves to be on the list of books to reads sooner than later. Regardless of whether Ward’s humor lands with you or not, it is her ability to conceptualize the problem and make its understanding accessible to everyone that makes this book a good one.

References

Ward, Jane. The Tragedy of Heterosexuality. New York: NYU Press, 2020.