I was raised by my two lesbian moms, so my perception of love and heterosexuality is admittedly skewed. In my house, coming out as straight is more of an unfortunate realization and is always followed by the same comment, “if sexuality really was a choice, who on earth would choose men?” Apparently my family is not alone in asking this question. Jane Ward felt strongly enough about the issues with being attracted to heterosexual men that she wrote a whole book to check on straight women and see if they’re okay. After her in-depth analysis of primarily black, queer, feminist rhetoric to explore the true tragedies of heterosexuality for straight women, I’m left wondering, am I in fact okay?
The main argument of The Tragedy of Heterosexuality is that heterosexuality is not the “ideal” sexuality, but rather has plenty of its own systemic issues that are deeply engrained in our society. This book not only highlights these issues, but explores the root causes so that we as a whole can better understand how to work toward resolutions. Ward starts to approach this through the common misconception that gay people would be straight if they could choose, and proposes how that narrative itself is evidence of the oppression in our society that makes heterosexuality so tragic. The book consists of five partsCHAPTERS– “Let’s Call it What It Is: The Tragedy of Heterosexuality,” He’s Just Not That into You: The Misogny Paradox, Pickup Artists: Inside the Seduction Industry, A Sick and Boring Life: Queer People Diagnose the Tragedy, and Deep Heretosexuality: Toward a Future in Which Straight Men Like Women So Much That they Actually Like Women. Each part plays its own role in establishing the issues of heterosexuality throughout history and how fixes in our systems of race and gender can ultimately contribute toward the resolution of the tragedy that is heterosexuality.
Ward herself is an American author from California where she teaches Feminist Studies at University of California Santa Barbara. Her work both in and out of the classroom focuses on gender and sexuality studies, specifically from her own queer, feminist point of view. The book The Tragedy of Heterosexuality is arguably the most successful of her three works, all of which address the politics of gender and sexuality in our society today, with the other two entitled Not Gay and Respectably Queer. Her extensive studies of the history of sexuality, the self help industry, and even pick up artists, establishes her as a vast source of knowledge on the topics discussed throughout the book. Both this book and her work overall as an author prompt the desire to know more about what we have come to accept as straightness and question if it really is what we display on the surface when you break it down to its roots. This question provokes further research into what other societal issues need to be addressed in order to solve the true tragedies– racial inequality, women’s rights, problems of a patriarchal society– encompassed by the tragedy of heterosexuality.
The first chapter, Let’s Call It What It Is, Ward hopes to “sufficiently introduce the idea of the tragedy of heterosexuality” (Ward, 30) and lay out her plans for the remaining four chapters. In chapter two, He’s Just Not That Into You, it provides historical context for how heterosexual expectations have changed and developed. For example, Lysol’s douching advertisement saying it “can keep her husband and herself eager, happy married lovers” inspired the subsequent expectation of women to work to appeal to their husbands (Ward, 52). Pickup Artists: Inside the Seduction Industry, the third chapter of the book, explores the idea of women being a “game” to be won (Ward, 78). In this chapter, Ward addresses the idea of women being seen as a “birthright” to straight men, and how society has capitalized on that to make millions of dollars (Ward, 79). Next, Sick and Boring Life: Queer People Diagnose the Tragedy is included to address the role queerness has in the creation of what it means to be straight. The author explores the idea of homophobia being “the outward expression of heterosexual misery” and other subsequent oppression queers face as a result of heterosexuals own distate for the reality of their personal sexualities (Ward, 115).
The final chapter, Deep Heterosexuality, ties together all the pieces that make up the tragedy of sexuality and highlights the main goal of the book, to unify queer and straight women alike to defy the patriarchy that oppresses them all (Ward, 155). The final page shares the three main takeaways of this book. First is the need for us as a society to address the violence that women, particularly straight women, face at the hands of men, and how addressing this issue will lead to a more loving version of heterosexuality (Ward, 172). Next, self-help movements and other capitalistic ideas influencing sexuality should not be underestimated nor left unaddressed (Ward, 173). The chapter and book conclude with the final argument, listening to outside perspectives, in this case queer viewpoints of heterosexuality, can give insights and guidance we might otherwise lack in our own decision making, leading to overlooked problems and missed opportunities (Ward, 173).
The strongest aspect of this book was Ward’s vast research, knowledge, and utilization of marginalized perspectives. Immediately in the second chapter, Ward develops the history of heterosexuality from eighteenth century colonial America to modern day, with the inclusion of global perspectives such as nineteenth century Iranian accounts of the misogyny paradox (Ward, 35-37). Ward addresses the root causes of sexist associations to heterosexuality and travels through the history of men’s feelings for women as actual people. She succeeds in her goal of presenting a new relationship between queers and straights, a new meaning to the word “ally”. Overall, the “dyke’s-eye view” (Ward, 31) may have its own biases, and to some may make it seem like Jane Ward is unqualified to talk about being straight, but after reading, I’d argue it’s the opposite. The combination of queer, feminist, black, and marginalized voices produces a powerful critique that left me second guessing everything I knew about myself as a straight woman, and truly reassessing my role in my own sexuality.
While I ate up every last word of this captivating book, I was left a little hungry for more information on how we really go about addressing the issues of heterosexuality. The author does an incredible job laying out what the issues are throughout the chapters and dives into solutions for straight women, but I was left wondering, how would this work? Yes, straight women can demand more from their heterosexual relationships and refuse abuse (Ward, 172). Yes, queer women can work to better support women as a whole so that we can conquer the issues of patriarchy that we face regardless of sexuality (Ward, 173). Yes, queer men and women alike can change the narrative that being straight is the preferred sexuality if given the choice (Ward, 160), but how? Many, if not all, of the things Ward suggests in the book require widespread change amongst individuals. The book thoroughly explains how each of these solutions works to address the problem at hand, but I desired a more clear bridge between where we are now and how we start. For example, how do we get the majority of women to stop accepting the bare minimum from men? The issue I see is that yes, we could influence women one by one to expect more, but what do you do about the women who are then willing to step in their spots and accept less? If “Men who say they love women need to show women the receipts”(Ward, 173), how do they do this? I think if Ward had spent a little more time discussing how we encourage so many individuals to change their ideas and behaviors, there would be a much better connection to how these solutions are feasible and less questions left unanswered.
I have told my three roommates that The Tragedy of Heterosexuality will be living on the coffee table in our apartment, and my reasoning is twofold. The primary reason is I think anyone who enters the apartment stands to benefit in one way or another from the information included. Regardless of who the audience is, this book provides new ideas of sexuality through the utilization of frequently skipped over perspectives and experiences, those of marginalized groups. So whether it is a straight woman who might need a reality check of what she is putting up with from men or a homosexual man who stands to learn the role that he plays in oppression of women, Jane Ward does an amazing job of getting just about anyone to stop and question why our norms are what they are and what we can do to change them. My second reason for the book’s new home in a predominant spot of the apartment is the reactions. This book is not an attack, but instead an attempt to bridge the gap between what we advertise as happy heterosexuality and the reality of straightness today. Initial reactions of men in my apartment, especially those who identify as straight, might be defensive. However, my personal agenda is to see whether or not these men are willing to push past their uncomfortability to actually educate themselves through Jane Ward’s mission to obtain a society of love and respect regardless of race, sexuality or gender identity. So, while I risk causing arguments or losing friends, I consider those who deprive themselves of joining Ward’s journey through the reality of heterosexuality tol be at the real loss. After this book of empowerment you will not be asking straight women if they are okay, but rather asking men if their privilege and masculinity are okay.
Works Cited
Ward, Jane. “Jane Ward: Scholarship for the Feminist Future.” Jane Ward, https://www.janewardphd.com/.
Ward, Jane. The Tragedy of Heterosexuality. New York University Press, 2020.
This book is definitely going on my ‘to read’ list! Growing up with many bisexual friends, lamenting about our attraction to men was always part of our conversation. You talk a bit about the abuse that women face in heterosexual relationships. Does the author discuss healthy heterosexual relationships that still contain inherent challenges for women?
This book is interesting as heterosexuality is often perceived as the “norm” and thus receives little attention and criticism. You note that in chapter two titled “He’s Just Not That Into You,” the author notes specific gender roles that plague heterosexual relationships. For example you state the “expectation of women to work to appeal to their husbands.” One thing I was wondering however was whether or not some of these same issues occur in non-heterosexual relationships. Are there specific issues with gender roles in transgender or same sex relationships?
I know that you’ve told me to read this book, but after reading your review I’m extra interested! I have frequently talked with friends about how relationships with straight men can be frustrating, and it’s not uncommon to hear someone joke about how much easier life would be if they weren’t attracted to men. For this reason, I found the phrase “the tragedy of heterosexuality” particularly relevant, and I think it’s something a lot of straight women identify with, even in a joking sense. I would be interested in how Ward would respond to this, especially because comments like, “it’d be so much easier to be gay” fail to recognize the ways queer people have been marginalized throughout history.
Agree with all the previous comments that this is something I am planning to read. I am fascinated by conversations about how power and culture can impact personal relationships, especially romantic ones. I hope that men who are in heterosexual relationships can begin to educate themselves about how to fix the perception of heterosexual relationships.
This is a facinating book and book review! I appreciate how Ward questions the culture that we have accepted as the “norm” in our society and pushes for a better future for women. However, I agree that her solutions to the problems seem a little unrealistic. It is diffcult to fight aganist the dominant culture, but to do so, straight women must expect more of men and men must look to lesbian culture as an example and learn to treat women better. It is a book that I want to recommend to many of my friends!
I love your enthusiasm for this book! I enjoy that you begin the report by discussing your personal history and why this book is so interesting for you. It provides a personal perspective that’s valuable throughout the discussion. Overall, your review was very comprehensive and intriguing. Based on your review, it seems like the book answers a lot of questions my friends and I have discussed throughout our lives. I thought the part were you mentioned that “women are seen as a ‘birthright’ to straight men” was particularly interesting. I would love to hear a bit more in depth about this part. Your observation that the monograph lacks solutions that can easily implimented now seemed astute. You said you ” desired a more clear bridge between where we are now and how we start.” I have personally found this to be true of a lot of monograph and nonfiction books. These works of literature often do a phenominal job of presenting or highlighting an issue, but there is limited discussion on further steps. The answers are often very complex and nuanced, but I always appreciate when there are at least some actions I can incorporate into my everyday life. Great review, I will have to borrow the monograph sometime soon!
I loved reading this book and I love your perspectives on this book. I never thought about the aspect of coming out as straight as being unfortunate since it is normally viewed as the other way around, but from your perspective, it makes sense. I also loved the different perspectives that Jane Ward used which isn’t just the white western perspective, but voices that aren’t usually heard talking about this topic. I think it’s powerful that you would want to leave this book on your coffee table for everyone to see. Books are a reflection of ourselves and I think its presence will speak volumes to those you interact with.