After first hearing of the activity, I was excited and immediately wanted to partake in it. I love a challenge and love to uncover my true relationship with my body. I actually do not use that many products, especially with my hair products because they don’t work for my hair type anyway. I only usually wear deodorant and sparkly eyeshadow and eyeliner. I don’t usually wear foundation because I like the way my freckles look. However, at times I use foundation to conceal acne, which I still have shame over. I wear eyeshadow because I think of my outfits and makeup as art, and I take a lot of pride in that. At the same time, I feel like I also am considered more “beautiful” when I wear makeup and feel more comfortable around others. I also feel like I have to use deodorant because I am afraid of people thinking I smell bad.
For the 4 days I partook in the challenge, I went without all products. Overall I had a very positive experience because I felt in control and aware of how I am conditioned to gender myself. I especially felt proud about not not wearing deodorant because I was no longer inhibiting my body’s natural processes. The first day I actually did not think that I smelled bad. In fact, I actually like my natural scent; it is comforting to me. I felt more self-conscious about not wearing makeup at times because I considered myself to appear less femme and “pretty.” But, I still have fear around both, since the common assumption is that if you don’t use deodorant you aren’t as sanitary, clean, or concerned about your health. I felt constant fear that people could smell me, yet I tried to fight that instinct as much as possible. My friends did comment on how I smelled, but I didn’t let it get to me because they were just trying to protect me from other peoples’ negative perceptions of any body odor that doesn’t smell like roses.
No one commented on how I looked. This was different for me because usually I get waves of compliments when I wear makeup, femme accessories, and femme hairstyles. Less related to products but in regards to clothing, I also found that whenever I wear a dress and contacts people always tell me I look “cute.” However, in my glasses, pants, and pulled back hair, I just look “okay” to my friends and acquaintances. I am still trying to discover the balance between adequate grooming and “self-care” and not caring about appeasing gendered expectations of beauty. While I will be interning in DC over the summer, I fear I will have to appear “polished,” feminine, and conservative in order to keep my job, especially since I will be working in a governmental office. Unfortunately in politics, a lot of attention is given toward women’s appearance and I will have to navigate upholding my personal values with caution.
Through the challenge I realized that I still have a lot of shame around my body odor, body hair, acne, and face without makeup, but I also feel proud of my ability to analyze my own unconscious perceptions of beauty and femininity. I hope to continue on this path and create a routine that fits my needs and desires without upholding harmful gender and health stereotypes.
Did doing the challenge over four days instead of just one change your experience? I’m curious if it gets easier to do the experiment over time because you get used to it, or if it gets harder because you have to deal with the same insecurities day after day.
One day wasn’t enough to fully experience how people might treat you differently with and without “hygiene” products. The first day without deodorant, I just naturally didn’t have much odor that day. Perhaps because I wasn’t moving around a lot or didn’t go outside much. So, my experience wasn’t any different than a regular day. However, on the second and third day, I could tell a difference and my friends started to comment about how I looked and smelled. I was quite hurt by their comments, but I decided to continue the challenge anyway in order to work through the shame I had. By the end, I think I gained a lot more confidence and began to feel less insecure about my natural bodily processes. During the challenge, I was really trying to see if I could use no products in the long term. However, I have started to use a natural deodorant that does not prevent the body from perspiration (Native Deodorant). I have found this product to be a good middle-ground for me because it does not stop my bodily processes yet also allows me to go about my day without judgment from others due to odor.
I really like what you wrote about finding the balance between doing makeup and dressing up for yourself because it’s a form of expression for yourself and overextending yourself to look good to please others. I think that’s a line I find really hard to draw for myself too. I constantly wonder whether I’m just doing things because I like the compliments and I like being told that I have a “nice style” or whether I truly like the way I feel when I dress femme. I’m glad this was a good learning process for you!
I found it very interesting that you noticed a decline in comments about your appearance when you didn’t use products. Although appearances aren’t everything, I think it highlights the need for us as a society to do better at encouraging each other and ceebrating natural beauty.
Thank you so much for sharing! I am inspired by your taking part in the challenge. I am curious about two things. How can our society be more inviting of people partaking in no product lifestyles? Do you think being at Davidson made it easier or more difficult to participate in the challenge?
That’s a great question. I would want people to question their assumptions about what qualifies as looking or smelling “good.” A lot of people’s judgments toward me I think were unconscious, so I think it’s important to understand where their definitions of what is appealing come from. I cannot force people to appreciate my natural being, but I will encourage tolerance in the infinite ways in which a person can smell, look, love, and exist.
I think that Davidson has allowed me the space to explore many facets of myself, safely and comfortably. However, I have noticed that not many people at Davidson are willing to challenge social and beauty normalcy in this way. Especially in regard to body hair, most people I interact with view it as off-putting, ugly, and unhygienic. They feel like they are forced to shave, even if they find the practice annoying, time-consuming, and painful. I wish people weren’t as afraid and ashamed of body hair, which actually has many health benefits. I try to be an inspiration to other Davidson students by keeping and exposing my body hair, however, most of the time people are not inspired but confused and concerned.
Thanks for sharing this. It was so much fun to read this. I could relate to this in a lot of ways where back in high school I was extremely concerned with how I would smell. This made me realize how we feel pressured from little to trivial things even if we are not supposed to. It takes a lot of courage to stop worrying about other people shit perspective which should not matter to us.