Superdads: “How Fathers Balance Work and Family in the 21st Century” by Gayle Kaufman

The introduction to “Super dads” starts with what the author’s observation at the bus stop: unexpectedly, there were more dads than moms waiting for elementary school children. This was surprising to the author because as she states: “The point is that fathers are no longer an anomaly at the bus stop. I call these men “new” dads or “involved” dads, a sign that times are changing and men’s role as fathers are changing too. (Kaufman 2013).

GAYLE KAUFMAN is a Sociology professor at Davidson; I never had a chance to take her class, but it is a great opportunity for me and also other students who read my post to be able to ask questions directly to the author of the book. She specializes in gender equality, parental leave policy, and modern families, also she published her second book “Fixing Parental Leave”, explaining her observation of the policies of Sweden and the UK.

Throughout the book, Kaufman mainly explains the new dilemmas and social expectations involved fathers face when it comes to work and families. For instance, one of the interviewees explained how he cannot find time to spend with his daughter while working overtime. She categorizes ‘new dads’ and ‘old dads’ to explain the generational differences and the discrepancies between them. Then, she argues for both individual and societal level solutions that could potentially alleviate the problems new dads face. She presents the solutions by showing the interviews she has done with dads who successfully balance family and work. One of the examples were focusing less on the success in the workplace and interacting with superiors or employees.

Kaufman’s methods are mainly qualitative and include multiple interviews of both “old”, and “new and involved” dads. By presenting her interviews, she gives details on the challenges the dads face balancing between work and family. Moreover, she provides interviewees’ detailed narratives of how they dealt with the problem and found balance in doing both.

To give an overview of how Kaufman develops her overarching argument, she first introduces the problem statement in Chapter One: Introduction, Chapter Two: Becoming a father, and Chapter Three: Work-Family Dilemmas, describing the challenges of balancing between work and family. Then, she analyzes dads in three categories in each chapter: Chapter Four: “Old Dads”, Chapter Five: New Dads and Partial Solutions, Chapter Six: Super dads, and Chapter Seven: Single Super dads. Throughout Chapters Four to Six, while introducing the concepts she also suggests solutions by introducing the personal narrative of the interviewees.

First, to summarize the presented issue, one of the interesting findings was that fathers consider their roles as having two full-time jobs, considering their job at home ‘a second shift’. Evidence suggests that men these days are going through what women went through when large numbers first entered the labor force. In short, the facts demonstrate the pressure and feelings of imbalance men face and the consequences it brings to their lives and families. The significant cause of the problem is too much time at work – overtime and being on call. Fathers who work unusual hours face stress over not being at home when “normal” fathers are supposed to be at home. 

In the second part of her observations, she also describes the lives of “old” dads as the opposite of “new” dads, who often expresses the sense of loss that he was not there, knowing that he has missed “anything that has happened” at home. Masculinity and the provider role remain prevalent among old dads, who grew up in a society where people and scholars emphasized the importance of separate roles for men and women—the instrumental role for men and the expressive role for women. Men’s primary roles as workers and providers were seen as key to the functioning of family life and the larger society. Despite the differences between old and new dads, a recurring theme in both generations is that the fathers have long hours of work and a lack of time to spend at home. However, when she interviewed the old dads, men often talk about their own individual aspirations as a motivation to work long hours. Yet, they are grounded in external pressures and standards to which men compare themselves. As a result, “the force causing them to work both surrounds them and is internalized by them, creating normative patterns, understandings, and definitions about work. Another important theme in old dads is their reliance on their wives who become the primary caretaker and a parent. They express concerns over their missing roles of appearing as a parent to their children. 

While some fathers stick to a more traditional view of their role as a father, most of the younger fathers Kaufman talked with seeing themselves as involved dads. They are not completely dismissive of their monetary contributions to their family, but they do not define themselves as breadwinners. The transition from an old to a new identity as a father leads us to the third part of the book, where the author attempts to suggest a solution for the struggles the ‘new paternal identity’ presents. Kaufman closely examines the lives of fathers who claim to have found a good fit between their work and family. It is not necessarily that they have made major adjustments to their work lives but rather that they find themselves in positions that are amenable to family life. One of the noticeable similarities of these respondents is that they have jobs that offer a good deal of autonomy which may be used to arrange better work schedules for themselves. For instance, Walter really enjoys the flexibility in both his daily work tasks and his need to answer to his boss. He has control over what he does and when he does it. As he suggests, this freedom is particularly useful for a father of two preschool children, and he takes advantage of this flexibility when his family needs him. Another factor that determines the good balance and work effort is the father’s attitude toward his career. The fathers who are not aspiring to move up the ladder but work to make sure to get the job done to have more laid-back work experience and energy to focus on family. Gary, one of the interviewees, says he used to work longer hours and was more driven to work, sometimes trading home for work on weekends. Since his son was born, he works a more regular schedule, which means fewer hours, and he appreciates time at home, including time with his son and extra sleep. Kaufman brings interesting insights by examining the respondents and suggests that the work environment and the attitude toward work significantly matter. 

The book primarily focuses on ‘new dads’ who try to find a balance between work and family by looking into the respondent’s lives on an individual level. The strength of the book comes from a narrow topic that it goes over multiple possible explanations of the problem and solutions. Moreover, the detailed experiences shared by some of the successful ‘new dads’ can be a practical guideline for readers struggling with similar problems. For those who are not fathers that find it difficult to emphasize the situation, it is easier for us to understand the context by reading about their personal experiences. 

The weakness that came to mind was its lack of focus on policy and institutional analysis. Corporate policies related to paternal leave and social services such as child care are an important part of the welfare system to encourage parents to continue their work while taking care of their children. However, the author focused more on the cultural and social factors of new dads, which was helpful and insightful, but made me wonder about any legal difficulties that hindered them from balancing between work and family. For the same reason, I also expected to see policy suggestions and a review of government responsibilities that governs the lives of working parents. However, her second book reinforces the weakness by addressing the policy issues through comparative case studies of countries. The title of her second book is “Fixing Parental Leave: The Six Month Solution” which gives more detail on policies and institutional solutions.

Personally, the book was very interesting because I could not help but compare her observation to South Korea, a country I grew up in since there has been a growing number of involved dads even though still less compared to other developed countries. The public is unwelcoming toward these fathers due to the outdated stereotype that a child must be taken care of by mothers and also the majority of members in communities related to childcare are women. Moreover, government welfare and policies discourage fathers from participating in childcare with many companies refusing to provide paternity leave. I read the book with great interest since it touches upon the area of study that I enjoy learning more about: growing social and policy issues of involved dads. 

In conclusion, as a female college student who rarely has a chance to analyze the struggles of working fathers, the book provided a new perspective on child care and work-family dilemmas. I also think it would benefit the fathers and mothers, who try to understand their spouses, as a guide and reference for raising their children. Moreover, the text could be used to argue for specific child policies or social systems because of the vast background information the book provides.